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Nestlé Waters owns and operates roughly 67 different brands of bottled water globally. These 67 different bottled water brands are classified into 3 different water categories by Nestlé: natural mineral water, spring water, and prepared water. Who knew that water could take on so many different forms and names!

Owning a third of the market share in the U.S., Nestlé has recently launched their newest bottled water brand, Resource, which is being aimed primarily at “a woman who is a little more on the trendy side and higher-income side, and the bull’s-eye is 35 years old,” Larry Cooper, group marketing manager for Resource, told the NY Times.

Basically, they’re looking to break into the “premium level” of bottled water, and this is their first non-carbonated and non-effervescent attempt at that. Again, who knew one of the world’s most important natural resources had so many different forms!

Which brings us to that humanrobot you see in the video above, Nestlé CEO Peter Brabeck. He believes our greatest natural resource is a commodity, and not a right. Well of course he does, because his yearly bonus is tied to that “commodity” being put in plastic bottles and trucked around the world to basically become one of the most awful humanrobot contributors to pollution and wastefulness.

Use tap water, it’s free, and it doesn’t hurt the earth—and use a Brita if your tap water isn’t quite trustworthy. Unless of course you wanna be a trendy humanrobot, then by all means be wasteful and treat a human right like a humanrobot commodity…

Nestle Resource water

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Straight from The New York Times, couldn’t have said this better myself at a true humanrobot, Glenn Beck:
By BRUCE HANDY and ROBERT A. DI IESO JR.

It was reported this week that the conservative commentator Glenn Beck may start his own cable channel when his contract with Fox News expires this year. Here’s a preview…


Andy Selsberg wrote this op-ed for the NY Times called Teaching to the Text Message. He’s an English college professor and the piece talks about how he feels the need to teach his students to write in relevant forms: Amazon reviews for something they just read, eBay listings in under two lines, coherent and original comments for YouTube videos.

He emphasizes concise writing as the objective. And concise writing is something that needs to be an objective for any writer—even if he did start off the piece denouncing the five paragraph essay and the research paper as viable assignments these days. But he still made some sense, despite YouTube comments really not having any relevance in a classroom other than one about pop culture. He had me almost convinced until the last line: “Who knows, we might even start to leave behind text messages and comment threads that our civilization can be proud of.”

Who says we should even want to be proud of comment threads and text messages in the first place? It’s killing our language just like Orwell used oh so often in his forewarning literature. Human interaction is being forced into that dependent upon machines and robots. When we depend on these, well, we cease to be just humans. We devolve to a race of humanrobots.

Intrapace's humanrobot creating abiliti stomach pacemaker

It continues…

Designed by pacemaker manufacturer Intrapace, the abiliti stomach pacemaker is purportedly the first “intelligent” form of obesity intervention. Instead of simply constricting the stomach, the surgically-implanted pacemaker detects when a patient downs food or drink, and zaps the stomach with a series of electrical impulses to generate a feeling of fullness (the system utilizes the nerves around the stomach that signal fullness to the brain). As a result, patients eat less than they would normally.

The system goes beyond just zapping the stomach. It also collects information about food consumption and exercise, all of which can be downloaded to the doctor’s office or shared in the abiliti online community.

The stomach pacemaker is expected to go on sale in the U.S. by 2014, at which point Intrapace can really find out if its device can stem the obesity epidemic.—Casey Chen, Gizmodo (http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2011/03/pacemaker-zaps-stomach-internally-to-prevent-overindulging/)

Want to exercise? No, I’ll put the robot in my stomach.

Want to eat some vegetables? No, I’ll put the robot in my stomach.

Want to try meat not from a CAFO for a change? No, I’ll put the robot in my stomach.

Want to be a humanrobot?

If we continue putting robots in ourselves what exactly are we saying about ourselves? I don’t comprehend how we could be so lazy that we can’t alter our own habits, instead putting robots inside our bodies to fix things. It’s really the whole fundamental belief on fixing healthcare, the industrialized food culture, the financial system, environmental problems, education, etc., etc.: If we try preventive measures then there isn’t any need to fix a problem in the first place. It’s simply becoming efficient. Wastefulness is a module of the humanrobot.

Because everyone needs a banana that’s protected from the elements. Banana peels do nothing for protection—they always get bruised! And the banana always eventually goes rotten, damn it! Mother nature has it wrong, it’s all about the plastic bag that creates more waste and uses more of that black gold we all love so damn much.

As Craig Stephen, VP in North America for Chiquita Brands International Inc. said in this article: “Our focus is on quick-service restaurants such as McDonald’s, Burger King, and Starbucks, where people are looking to bring healthy products to their menu. Another focus is convenience stores in gas stations, he said, where men 18-25 years old, considered banana under consumers, are likely to stop for a snack or for something to eat.”

The ‘sealed for freshness’ packaging that utilizes their ‘controlled ripening technology’ (CRT) helps extend the life of a banana (err, ‘Natural Energy Snack on the go’) by 7 days, which means Chiquita can start putting bananas and other fruits in vending machines (which they are developing). Yes, that could potentially help people eat more fruits, but it doesn’t solve the bigger problem: the whole industrialized food concept in this nation. Fruits don’t belong in plastic packaging. They come off trees and already have a built-in protectant from anything the elements can throw at them. Putting them in a bag made from petroleum only makes them worse.

Oh so they say the bags are actually a green alternative, is that right? James Harvey, Del Monte’s UK managing director, told the Fresh Produce Journal: “Del Monte’s new CRT packaging is designed to provide significant carbon footprint savings by reducing the frequency of deliveries and the amount of waste going to landfill. The packaging is also recyclable.”

So using more plastic that sits in landfills or has to be recycled, delivering to even more places than just grocery stores (because of new vending machines, McDonalds, Burger King, etc.), delivering just single bananas and not bunches, and providing a fruit to people that grows thousands and thousands of miles away is a green initiative? Bananas are part of a good diet, but only if they are grown near you. I’ve stopped eating bananas within the last two months because they don’t grow near me. The cost of fuel it takes to deliver a bunch of bananas to Encinitas from places way south of here is not part of a conscious diet. Only the humanrobots of this world will purchase these single serving bananas. But hey, maybe bananas just need to evolve past their inferior peels to more plastic-like protection for the humanrobots of the future.

Wow. I really don’t even know where to start with a reaction on that one from the archetype humanrobot, Mrs. Sarah Palin. Sometimes I wonder if she really is that brainless or if it’s all just an act to make her seem ‘nicey’ and ‘homely’. But then I realize no one could pretend to say the mind-blowing things she does.

  1. The word aspire means to strive for. You cannot “aspire Americans”. The correct word you were looking for is inspire, which means to make someone feel like they need to do a particular thing (i.e. ‘inspire Americans to grasp this moment’). We’ll come back to this in a few bulletpoints.
  2. The Soviet Union did not collapse because of their space program—the space program that did not win the space race, because if you remember correctly America was the first to land on the moon. Maybe Sarah is one of those people who thinks Neil Armstrong on the moon was a hoax? The Soviet Union eventually collapsed (nearly 40 years later) because of the arms race during the Cold War when the Soviet Union was amassing a great amount of nuclear weapons.
  3. WTF moment? Really? You’re insinuating on Fox News (whose supposed to be all about ‘family values’) to the phrase What The Fuck?
  4. Spud-nut? Humanrobots have no gauge on the sexual innuendo-ed terms they actually use.
  5. Yes, civility does root from the word civil and means well mannered. Kudos to you Sarah.
  6. I really shouldn’t have to explain this because it was pretty obvious. But here goes: When Obama referred to now as “our Sputnik moment” he was using it as a call to arms for America. A point in time in which we must step up and increase our well-being, increase our livelihood, and seize this opportunity to make our country the best again. America is on the decline as a whole. With countries like China increasing wealth per individual and European nations continuing to have a greater well-being than us, we’re falling behind (and don’t even start me on our nation’s youth math and science scores against those of other nations, it’s downright sad). It’s a make or break time period in America right now. We can continue on the same path we’ve been and eventually head the way of Rome, or we can step up, make huge changes, and set a path to prosperity once again. This is what he meant, not that we need to amass huge amounts of debt to race to the moon.

Having a little trouble at Obama's inauguration? Clarence must've missed his mid-morning nap...

Surely you remember that landmark Citizens United v. FEC ruling in which American corporations were granted human rights, not just humanrobot rights. Justice Clarence Thomas started his path to being a humanrobot as a lawyer for Monsanto (weird…). He then went on to play a key role in the decision to make genetically engineered seeds legal—it’s always nice to be able to help out old friends.

But those aren’t the actions of this humanrobot that we’re here to discuss at this moment. Right now there is dissenting explanations for Thomas’ appearance at a 2008 political retreat for the Federalist Society, a conservative legal group. As The New York Times report points out, questions were first raised last month about his appearance in Palm Springs at this ever so important retreat and Thomas said he had made just a brief drop-by and a short talk.

*As a side note, the Federalist Society is basically a group of concerned million(and even billion)aires that feel threatened by the prominent liberal agenda in law schools and the legal profession. Major players include the Koch brothers; those well-to-do Kansas siblings who were handed Koch Industries from their daddy and have their hands in everything from petroleum to finance, racking in profits of over $100billion in 2009. Their annual gathering in Palm Springs has become quite the place to be seen for those with cash and the conservative agenda to save this country from the socialist Obama. As it says on the Federalist Society’s website, their purpose “entails reordering priorities within the legal system to place a premium on individual liberty, traditional values, and the rule of law.” No wonder Clarence Thomas showed up at this retreat in 2008, corporations need their voices heard!

Okay, okay, but good ol’ Clarence was just there for the refreshments and to give a quick talk. Fair enough; Thomas has had his hand in many conservative legal rulings and giving a pep talk is surely fair. But in his financial report for that year he reported that the Federalist Society had reimbursed him an undisclosed amount for four days of “transportation, meals and accommodations” over the weekend of the retreat. Sounds an awful lot like what should have been reported as a gift under federal law, which would have disqualified ol’ Clarence from the Citizens United v. FEC case because of a vested interest. If you ever needed an example of corruption within the legal system (i.e. people with money influencing a judge to rule in their favor), this is surely one for the ages.

Clarence and Virginia Thomas, preparing to reap the benefits of his United Citizens ruling...

And if that wasn’t enough, Clarence’s wife Ginni seems to be making the most of her husband’s landmark ruling, too. She’s recently landed a job as head of a Tea Party lobbying firm, Liberty Consulting—don’t these names just exude patriotism, “liberty”, “federalist society”? They must be for the greater good of America with names like that (I’d give you a link to Liberty Consulting’s website but for some strange reason it wasn’t loading, see video below)! To clear up the confusion, Liberty Consulting “offers advice for short or long term projects and bringing resources to bear for impact — whether it includes a short term bill-reading project, assistance on congressional oversight efforts or an effective coalition for impact. Additionally, Liberty Consulting offers advice on optimizing political investments for charitable giving in the non-profit world or political causes.”

So not only did humanrobot Justice Clarence Thomas directly gift corporations the ability to rig the outcomes of elections, but he’s also helping pave a new career path for his wife—one in which she can make money off these very corporations by telling them how they should decide who wins these elections. How nice of him.

There is a ray of light though. The group Common Cause is calling for an investigation into humanrobot Justice Clarence Thomas, as well as his colleague humanrobot Justice Scalia (whom he tends to vote nearly the same on all cases with), into whether they should have recused themselves from the Citizens United v. FEC case because of their connections with Koch Industries. Sign the petition here and help overturn a major injustice to the First Amendment.