America in this modern day is all about extremes. Our beliefs and politics are extremely polarized, our debts are extremely engorged, our education system is extremely pathetic, our health care and financial systems are extremely in favor of taking advantage of people, etc., etc. But one cannot forget our extreme obesity and overweightness in comparison to every other nation in this world. For that may be one of the saddest, showing we are true gluttons with no care for ourselves.

Which is why the Center for Science in Public Interest (CSPI) came out with the Xtreme Eating Awards today. CSPI’s nutrition director Bonnie Liebman says, “It’s as if the restaurants were targeting the remaining one out of three Americans who are still normal weight in order to boost their risk of obesity, diabetes, heart attacks, and cancer.”

Yes Bonnie, it is as if corpo-chains like Applebee’s, IHOP, Denny’s The Cheesecake Factory, et. al are trying to make us all fat while making themselves all rich—rich by being brainwashing geniuses that convince people to eat total shit food. The eight dishes on the CSPI’s list are all said to contain upwards of 1,250 calories, at least a day’s worth of saturated fat, and on the extremley heftier side of including wayyyy too much NaCl—all while it’s also been reported that most chain restaurants substantially underestimate and miscalculate calorie counts.

But hey, America is all about being extreme. And what are actual numbers and facts in the face of extremities? Because when you’re staring down into an Applebee’s bowl of 1,520 supposed calories, 43 supposed grams of saturated fat, and 3,700 supposed milligrams of sodium called Provolone-Stuffed Meatballs With Fettuccine there’s only one thing to do, and that’s dig in and prep yourself for that diabetes, heartattack, or (at the least) weight problem you’re giving yourself. It’s the American thing to do.


Applebee's Provolone-Stuffed Meatbealls with Fettuccini, sure to give you the extreme problems the majority of Americans face.