Some quotes from Leslie Nieslen:

  • I have a fart machine that I usually bring with me. I was at a bar once, going down toward the john, and these two guys were in a confrontation and things were getting a little dicey. As I got in between the two of them, I said, “Where’s the john? Is it straight back there?” Fffffhpppppffffft. Well, these guys look at each other and then look at me, and they both start laughing. Fight was over.
  • There’s an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain’t looking.
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